The obstacle is the way by Ryan Holiday
Or how to handle things gone wrong…
You're facing a difficult problem and it seems unfair because it wasn't your choice.?You are right, but it is your choice how to respond to it.
That sums up the core principle of the book in one sentence. Here is the whole philosophy in a nutshell:
Obstacles are neither good nor bad; they just are. There is no life without them - so you better embrace them and learn how to deal with them - and you better learn it fast!
Obstacles are needed to harden you so welcome them as the training needed to make you stronger. They are your fuel to get to where you want to be in life.
What blocks your path IS your path and the “O” in obstacle stands for opportunity.
Our perceptions are the things that we are in complete control of therefore we are never completely powerless.
It's a great book, an easy read, and a safe pick as a present for someone. There is no rocket science here. You probably heard almost all of the advice before - since most of them are derived from the old stoics who lived around 2000 years ago. However, having it all in one book with some modern examples helps a lot to implement these thoughts into your own life.
For example, you know how people are super quick to point out the solutions to other people's problems? That's something you can make use of. Pretend that what's happening to you is happening to a friend of yours. Adding distance and empathy toward the one with the problem often helps to see things more clearly.
Not every problem needs to (or can) be solved. Therefore focus on what can be controlled. There is an entire category around how to be more present including the very famous book called The power of now by Eckhard Tolle. So if you find yourself worrying too much about things outside your control maybe give that one a go (or wait for my newsletter about it ;-) )
Edith Eger sums it up perfectly: Guilt is about the past and worries are about the future, but the only thing you have is the present! So stop feeling guilty for something that happened in the past and stop worrying so much about the future and start to control your NOW.
I know it's easier said than done and especially controlling your own emotions can look like a lost cause. We are social animals so at one point in your life the next obstacle is going to be another person and let’s face it other people can be so annoying.
So here is something to be thankful about people when they are:
Rude or disrespectful: Because then they underestimate you which is a huge advantage!
Critical or question your abilities: They probably have lower expectations and it will be easy to exceed them and prove them wrong!
Lazy: It will make your performance seem even more admirable!
The list goes on. Next time you find someone annoying try to flip the script and find something positive about it.
Overcoming obstacles is hard and it will stay hard. You will get better at it but that only yields in one outcome: You're going to choose harder obstacles for yourself to overcome.
So here is one thing I didn't learn from the book but from my favorite podcaster (who happens to be a good friend of Ryan and did a show together):
Whenever you're doing something hard ask yourself: If this would be easy what would it look like?
Again - it sounds so simple but if I could only give one piece of advice to people it would be that one.
In the end, all of this will not make your life easygoing. There will be obstacles that you won't be able to overcome. But that doesn't mean that you can’t at least make it better for others. So here is another great lesson:
Never postpone an act of kindness. A lot of times we think about calling an old friend or helping someone. But then we get that text message or something else that distracts us just long enough to forget all about it. So here is a proposal: Next time that altruistic thought comes to mind - act on it. Drop everything you're working on and just do it. I mean it! Give it a week or two and see how your life changes.
I’ll leave you with a quote: In every situation, life is asking us a question and our actions are the answer. Our job is simply to answer well. Right action, unselfish, dedicated, masterful, and creative is the answer to that question. That's one way to find the meaning of life. And how to turn every obstacle into an opportunity.
Have a great day
GNF