How to worry less and live more

The Antidote by Oliver Burkeman

You’re most likely pretty smart… After all, you are reading this quality article... So what could you possibly learn to improve your life? Well, maybe ask yourself this:

Are you as happy as you could be? Or better yet: Are you as happy as you should be?

Based on almost every statistic, we have more comfort & luxury than all the generations that came before us combined. Yet we don't see many people walking around with huge smiles on their faces - at least not outside of Amsterdam Disneyland. Here is what Oliver Burkeman had to say about that:

For a civilization so fixated on achieving happiness,
we seem remarkably incompetent at the task.

I couldn’t agree more. That’s why I write to you today with nothing less than the Antidote.

Photo by Dim Hou on Unsplash

There are some great stories in the book that made me smile and sometimes even laugh out loud. More importantly, though, there are some great lessons in the book as well. As always, I tried cherry-picking the most transformative ones for you.
So here we go:

The desire for security and the feeling of insecurity are one and the same thing!

Coincidence has it, that in another post, we looked at how unpredictable the future is. Even though most of you would agree that the future is in fact unpredictable, there is this desire in us to have control over everything. Well, I have news for you- you can’t control sh**. In fact, your desire for security makes your feeling of insecurity possible in the first place. What can you do about it?

The only way to get you out of the spiral of anxiety and insecurity is acceptance. Accept the fact that you can’t control all events in your life. After all, that is what makes life interesting. The definition of life is constant change. Don’t try to fight the very definition of life! Instead, develop capabilities to endure ‘negative’ events. for instance, you can try to do something new as often as you can, develop a new skill, learn how to play an instrument, meet new people, whatever you are shying away from. With time you will be able to:

Enjoy uncertainty, embrace insecurity, learn from failing and tolerate vulnerability.

Besides, if you constantly try so hard to eradicate all unpredictabilities then you probably won’t have a fulfilled life at all. Erich Fromm goes so far as to say:

The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning.

Accepting the chaos of the world around you and seeing the beauty in it, is only the first step. You also need to look inside and accept your feelings!

Our brain is constantly flooded with all kinds of thoughts and emotions. Typically there is not a single quiet minute inside your head. Naval Ravikant says it perfectly:

People talk about peace of mind but what you really want is peace from mind.

What can you do to calm your mind down?

Well, there is a little practice called- meditation. I know! Not another post about meditation!.. now I’ve probably just lost half of you… I wonder when and why meditating became such a loaded term. But anyway, like it or not, meditation works. You don’t need to dress up like a Tibetan monk and sit next to a golden gong to have an effective mediation session. In fact, you don’t need to do anything. That’s the whole point of it. You can sit down or lie down, close your eyes, and just let your thoughts come passing through without judgment.

By being a pure witness to your thoughts you are able to separate yourself from them.

The “self” is nothing that can be good or bad. You perform individual acts - some good, some bad. Seek to increase the good ones but leave “yourself” out of it.

Alright, but you still don’t know how to get started with meditation do you?

Here is a simple routine:

Sit yourself down in a comfortable spot and a relaxing position. Close your eyes. Picture yourself from behind. Now, witness the thoughts in your head. No judging! No acting on them or engaging with them. You are a pure witness.

Here is my somewhat silly routine: I picture myself sitting outside in the garden of my parent’s house, looking at the stars.

Photo by Jeremy Perkins on Unsplash

Every thought that comes to my mind - I “write” in the sky. I, therefore, picture it fully typed out in huge, white letters moving from right to left. As if the universe would be one giant teleprompter. That achieves two things for me:

First, it slows my thoughts down because I’m focused on seeing, typing, and reading them. Second, it turns my thoughts into something else than ‘me’.

I have no idea if that makes sense, or if it will work for you, but you should give it a try. I might have to write an entire post on meditation and how to get started. Let me know if it is interesting for you.

Here are the three takeaways as an antidote to your worrying:

Life is unpredictable. Give up your desire for certainty - it doens’t do you any good!

Accept your feelings!

You are not your thoughts!

With that, I’m leaving you for now.

Have a successful day

GNF

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Bonus#1: You can start your meditation practice when you go to sleep. Either you have a successful mediation or fall asleep - a win in both cases.

Bonus#2: The first photo in the post shows a hitman. That was not a coincidence. If you think that there is an easy way to happiness, like swallowing a pill, then you might as well call a hitman on yourself. Nothing worth having in life comes easy. It is the struggle that gives it meaning.